UR invited b/c UR ivee.

I got an obnoxious invitation today to attend the Ivy Council Conference in Washington, D.C. Founded in 1993 (not old enough to drink yet--even in Canada), the Ivy Council is apparently some group that thinks that it's a good idea for students from exclusive institutions to be even more exclusive. To attend this conference, you have to apply and be selected.

Here's the invite:

Hey, the reason your getting this email is because your at Harvard, and we wanted to tell you about the Ivy Council. The Ivy Council is the only student run organization that brings all of the Ivy Schools together as one.

We are trying to spread the word about a major event that is going on with delegates from all of the Ivy league institutions and was wondering if you could forward this application to all of the student groups that you may oversee or be a part of.

Are you interested in discussing foreign and domestic policy issues, such as education, health care, and Middle East policy, with some of Washington's heavy hitters? If so, apply to the CIVIC Conference - Change Involving Values In Communities! Hosted by the Ivy Council and USA Today, this conference will be a weekend full of engaging discussions with government leaders on the Hill and in the heart of Washington, D.C. Programming will also include forums at the USA Today headquarters and opportunities for policy-inclined students of the Ivy League to network with one another.

Where do I begin?

1. Two your/you're errors in the very first sentence! Not sure if that tuition has been worth it.
   
2. What's the inherent benefit of bringing students from Ivy League institutions together? Isn't there some limit to the concentration of tools in one physical space? Oh wait, this in the "heart of Washington D.C."--aka K Street. (It's ok. I worked at 13th and I, so I can say this.)
   
3. What the heck is "change involving values in communities"? And how will your networking mixer encourage this to happen?

Ever the fan of word thrift, I can rewrite the invitation in three sentences:

Hey, are ewe interested in attending an exclusive event to make you'reself feel like you're tuition dollars have been put to good, exclusive use? Apply to attend our Conference, which will allow you to talk to heretofore unidentified "heavy-hitters" (no performance-enhancing drugs, promise) in D.C.! We will also be discussing the definitions of "community," "values," and "change" within any and every context imaginable since some freshman (from an IVY!) came up with this theme after his intro political philosophy final.